To catch a thief
by slythadri
Summary: EWE, OOC. Pansy Parkinson is having a lousy day. First, she got robbed and now she got arrested. All because of that nightmare, Auror Potter. Or is he actually a dream? Rated M for explicit sexual situations and language. Hansy, Dramione.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: this One-shot is my response to the challenge from my FF soul sister elle311. She gave me 12 sentences to use and a poem as a prompt. I hope I made you proud, sister!

xoxo

"Oh for Merlin's sake what do you have to do to get a freaking Auror out here!" Pansy Parkinson yelled, flustered and frustrated.

After the war, a law was enforced to prevent street dueling, and now whenever it was a confrontation and wands were out or anything resembling a spark was shot in public, the parties involved needed to wait for an Auror to come and check the spells produced and make sure no arrests were necessary before the witches or wizards could go on their merry way. It was dull and time consuming, but effective. Usually, knowing that it would take a while for the Aurors to show up because they had more important things to do was a deterrent of confrontations.

Today, Pansy Parkinson was having a lousy day. Her head seamstress at her fashion design studio had run away with her portfolio and some of the most expensive materials. She had already filed charges at the Auror office, which was a humiliating experience. The Auror assigned to that kind of paperwork was nonother than the Chosen One himself. He had probably fucked up badly in some case -he was known for jumping head first into dangerous situations- so him being behind a desk was probably some sort of punishment. And to hear Pansy whine about some stolen fabrics had made him rolled his eyes so many times they started to look like time turners. Never mind that she presented evidence of the high cost of the stolen materials, to him it was nothing but rags. After that, she stopped for coffee to go but the idiot barista did not secure the cap on her cup, so she spilled scorching hot coffee on her tits. Then she went to try and buy some of the materials again, including some rare shells that unfortunately were only sold by a cranky old witch with a smelly little shop at the edge of Knockturn Alley. She displayed the shells outside the shop in old carts and Pansy was perusing through them when she reached inside her purse for a sample she brought and the old witch yelled

"Thieve!" and suddenly shot Pansy a hex. A small crowd gathered around the subsequent screaming match and now they were both stuck until the Auror on call showed up.

"Oh for fuck's sake!" said Pansy when she saw The Boy Who Lived apparate next to the store.

Harry saw her and huffed but then a malicious grin grew on his face. She had been a nightmare in his office, treating him like he was an idiot for not knowing anything about Haute Couture and overpriced rags. Now, she was served to him on a silver platter to mess with her.

"Good afternoon Mrs. Potts, is everything alright here?" he said, blatantly ignoring Pansy and walking to stand in front of the cranky old witch.

"Oh, thank Merlin you are here, Auror Potter," the old witch said, almost batting her eyelashes. The Auror office was fed with her habit of hexing her clients, and Harry was the only one who would never lose his patience with her. "This thief was trying to steal some of my precious shells."

"Oh, come on, you fucking know who I am, Potts, I'm your best client. I bring thousands of galleons to this Salazar forsaken place every fucking month. You can't seriously think I was going to steal some fucking shells."

Harry turned around, lifting an eyebrow

"Language, Miss Parkinson. Please show some respect for your elders."

The old witch grinned like she just won the lottery. Pansy lost it

"Oh, fuck you, Potter!" she said, shoving her hand on his chest quite hard.

"That's assault of an officer, Miss Parkinson. Add that to the accusation of thievery, I have to take you in now."

Mrs. Potts looked so gleeful she may have a stroke on the spot. Harry turned to her and said

"Mrs. Potts, I need to check your wand for recent spells. It's protocol. Then I will take care of your…little problem," he said, giving Pansy a glance over his shoulder.

Pansy rubbed her temples with her fingers muttering a litany of obscenities under her breath while the Chosen One took his sweet time checking the old hag's wand and writing her a warning while the ancient crook actually flirted with him.

"Well, Mrs. Potts, as always, is great seeing you," he said with a big smile. "Now if you excuse me, I have to process this case," he said grabbing Pansy's elbow and apparating them away. The old witch sigh like a schoolgirl in love when the young Auror left.

"What is this place?" said Pansy, looking horrified around the little room where they had popped in. There were no windows, only a door, a table and one chair on each side of it.

"Interrogation room at Auror's headquarters," said Harry, taking a seat and looking nonchalant.

"You can't be serious. This can't be legal. You cannot just lock me in here."

He smirked

"Actually, I can. I have the prerogative to bring any suspected violent person directly in here, and since the charge is assaulting an Auror on top of thievery, it is by now registered at the front desk. Maybe someone will come and check in on me but probably not before an hour or so."

She sat, looking disconcerted. She kept shaking her head in disbelief. She tried to talk several times but she couldn't come up with a coherent sentence. What the heck was going on here? How did she end up here? Then she looked at him and comprehension dawn on her.

"This is personal. This is payback. For all those years ago. The night of the battle. This is about what I said that night."

He stiffened, raising his hands in horror

"What? No! no, no, no, this has nothing to do with… no, no, no!"

"What is it, then?"

He thought for a minute. Then he grabbed his head with his hands

"Oh, fuck. I'm going to be behind a desk for a month," he said, realizing what he had done.

Pansy lifted a perfect eyebrow and gave him a questioning gesture.

"Alright, I did want payback, but not for that, that was years ago and I never blamed you for panicking that night. I…I wanted payback for the grief you gave me today. You know, when you called me an ignorant buffoon and a tasteless troll because I didn't know about your fabrics and whatever other things that got stolen from you. And now I'm in deep shit because you can file a complaint of abuse on my part and… I'm sorry Parkinson. I was just messing with you. That was childish and you are within your right to file a complaint."

She was stunned for a minute. She had been a bitch to him today, but she was very distressed, the stolen goods were very expensive and losing her portfolio meant her collection would be delayed for months until she recreated the whole thing again. Yet again, he did overstep, and now he was offering his head in a silver platter. She studied him for a minute. He was very much a grown-up man now. A very handsome, very single grown-up man, as it was featured almost every week on Witch Weekly. His green eyes were gorgeous and the messy hair and five o'clock shadow made him look rugged but sexy like he was ready to go home and let a willing witch fuck him thoroughly to relax after a long day. And she had a very, very long day. Maybe she could get even with him and have some fun along the way. The Slytherin in her kicked in, and a devious plan formed in her head.

"So, how does the complaint work?" She asked, feigning innocence.

He sigh

"We present our memories to the complaint office. They would assign a case number and after a few days we both get a citation to mediate the case or to proceed with criminal charges if there was excessive force on my part," he said, looking down at his hands.

"So, everything that happens in this room is recorded? You always present your memories?"

He shrugged

"Only if charges are filed, against either of us. If not, there is no need to present memories. Saves space."

She stood up, then slowly walked around the table towards him, her high heels clicking enticingly on the stone floor.

"Tell me something, Auror Potter, do two opposite complaints cancel each other?"

"What?" he said, feeling like a cornered animal.

"Let's say, I have a complaint against you for abuse of power," she said standing behind him, hands on his shoulders, then whispering in his ear "and you have a complaint against me for sexual harassment. Do the complaints cancel each other?"

He swallowed hard.

"What do you mean, sexual harassment?" he said, his breath growing ragged.

She looked down at his trousers. An evident tent was forming there. She smirked and walked around, hands still touching him, then slowly shimmied up her pencil skirt and lifted her perfect leg across his lap to straddle him. His hands went on their own to her arse, and he squeezed, giving a satisfactory growl between his clenched teeth. She rolled her hips in response and captured his lips in a deep, hungry kiss. He pulled her flush against him, kissing her and whispering in between kisses

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, I was so ready for this. I think that's why I arrested you, I think I wanted you alone in a room with me," he confessed, remembering how that morning he kept looking at her mouth, thinking that she would shut up about the stupid rags if he snogged her senseless.

"So, do you want to file a complaint of sexual harassment, Auror Potter?" she said, licking his ear and nibbling at his lobe.

"No, Miss Parkinson, I think I rather bury my cock balls deep in your wet cunt," he said and lifted both of them to sit her on the table.

She went for his belt buckle and undid it quickly, followed by his fly while he ripped her silky blouse open and pulled down the cups of her bra, letting her breasts spill out and grabbing a nipple in his mouth, sucking it hard. She reclined herself on the table, grabbing his hair and moaning sinfully, wrapping her legs around him. He rocked his hips, pressing his hardness on her knickers and making her moan even louder. She felt like she was about to fall over the edge and pushed harder against him, coming in a symphony of glorious sounds. He waited for her to come back from her high, kissing her breasts, her neck, her mouth and trailing back down. When she opened her eyes she decided she didn't want it to end just yet, so she sat up and held on to him to get off the table. She kissed him again before ordering

"Sit, Auror Potter."

He obeyed and she lowered herself to her knees, releasing his cock from his boxers. She looked at it, giving it a slow stroke, making him gasp, then swiped a bead of pre-cum from the tip with her fingertip and licked it lasciviously while looking him in the eyes. He was hypnotized, his eyes glued to her, and when she kissed the tip he cupped her face with his hands and begged

"Pansy, please, I can't take it anymore. Please, let me fuck you."

She lifted herself slowly, guiding his hands to pull down her knickers and when they were off she straddled him again, positioned his cock at her entrance and suddenly impaled herself on him. He moaned loudly, letting his head roll back for a second before coming back to kiss her desperately. He grabbed her firmly by the hips to make her slide up and down on his cock, slow at first, but then she started riding him in ecstasy.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," she panted

"Look at me, Pansy, say my name," he implored

"Harry," she said, and it rolled off her tongue like a prayer "Harry," she repeated, "Harry," and his name turned into a delicious mantra that brought them both over the edge.

They held each other tightly for a while, her head leaning on the crook of his neck, his fingers running through her silky black hair while he kept her secured with his other arm.

"I'm sorry I arrested you, he whispered in her ear. That was so wrong."

"I didn't know getting arrested could feel so good," she chuckled softly on his neck, making him smile. "I'm sorry I called you a tasteless troll."

He shrugged, still holding her

"Maybe I am, a little. Maybe you can help me clean up my act?"

"Maybe," she said, smiling.

He switched her on his lap to cradle her, then caressed her face and asked

"Would you come home with me tonight?"

She looked into his pleading green eyes, and the lines of her favorite poem rang in her mind

 _Not just little bits_

 _Or the best of his love, no_

 _She wants all of it_

"Yes."


	2. Chapter 2

Harry and Pansy locked themselves in at Grimmauld place for three straight days. Then on Monday, they went back to work but it was a very unproductive week for both. Harry was actually glad to still have a week of desk duty because his focus was somewhere else and he was able to sneak letters to Pansy through the day. They spent every night together; she tried to not overthink this odd situation and Harry was just elated.

They took Thursday afternoon off and Pansy convinced Harry to go shopping for clothes. She made an appointment for him with a classic tailor of male's clothing, she didn't want to scare him with her own forward designs yet.

After measurements and some adjustments, he claimed he was having some trouble getting it all together in the dressing room. She rolled her eyes and walked in, only to be ambushed by her horny new boyfriend, who seemed incapable of taking his clothes off without wanting to get some action. As soon as she got inside he closed the door and pushed her against the mirrored wall, shoving his hand down her pants, his erection bursting out of his boxers.

"Stop it!" She giggled "can you please finish trying these on? You are a terrible client!" then she squealed again when he found her clit and bit her neck, and she laughed louder while still saying "stop it, I'm serious, stop it!"

Suddenly there was a banging on the dressing room door

"Hey, Parkinson! Get a room, would you? this is a decent place of business!" a familiar drawl came from outside the dressing room.

Pansy and Harry froze for a minute, then she rolled her eyes and answered

"Fuck off, Draco. I'm busy"

"Yeah," the blonde said, laughing, "I can tell you are very busy. About time you got some action, congratulations!"

Inside the dressing room, Pansy facepalmed, mortified. Then she looked at Harry with malice while answering

"Says Mr. Blue Balls."

Harry, who had been holding his laughter, exploded in a loud cackle. Draco couldn't come up with a timely response but stayed outside, arms crossed, eyebrow lifted, a smirk forming in his lips. He stood there to find out who the guy inside was, knowing that would make Pansy very uncomfortable. After a few minutes the door opened and a recently put together Pansy walked out, a challenging look on her face. She stood in front of her friend, mimicking his stance.

"So, who's Mr. Lucky Guy?" Draco asked, now very curious. Pansy smiled when she heard the voice behind her

"Hey Malfoy," Harry said, nonchalant, wrapping his arm around Pansy's shoulders. Draco opened his eyes like saucers.

"Wow. This is unexpected," he said. Then he added, "How..."

"I got arrested a few days ago. Let's just say, I got a plea deal," Pansy said maliciously

Draco let out a very loud laugh.

"Oh, Parkinson, that is so you, I don't even want to know the details." Then he looked at Harry "do you even know what you got yourself into, Potter?"

Harry shrugged

"So far, worth the risk," he said, kissing Pansy's temple."

"Cute," said Draco. "I will now leave you to your salacious activities since it seems it would be unlikely that you would get arrested for public indecency," he said sarcastically.

Pansy and Harry waved goodbye with their fingers and Draco rolled his eyes before turning to leave the place, still chuckling.

"Don't mind him, she said, it's the blue balls talking. Poor guy. I wish he wasn't so lonely. I mean, I was lonely too, but he is just so… closed off."

"So he's not seeing anyone?" Harry asked, curious. "I would think rich and handsome guys would have it way too easy."

"Not when you have that fucking tattoo on your arm," she said sadly, "now all the women in our old circle think they can leverage that to take advantage of him. He's feeling frustrated, you know, fed up with being treated like a monster."

Harry considered that. He had not thought much about Malfoy outside their professional interactions, which were quite cordial these days, but now an idea was creeping into his head.

"So he needs someone way out of the pureblood circles."

Pansy nodded

"That would be good, yes, but then again, half-bloods and muggle-born witches are terrified of him. You know, Death Eater and stuff…"

Harry smirked

"I know someone that has never been afraid of him."

Pansy looked at him, eyes huge

"You don't mean…"

"The most famous muggle-born witch in Britain, renown Death Eater fighter, already punched him in the face once…"

Pansy lifted an eyebrow in thought. Those two were both brilliant, powerful and famously stubborn. Could they actually be perfect for each other? After all, she was right now wet on the knickers because of a boy that she used to hate in school. She said

"How do we do this?"

That Friday morning Harry knocked on the door of Hermione Granger's office at the Department of Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. She was by now deputy head of the department and it was rumored that she would transfer to a more political position that would make her Undersecretary in a few years.

"Got you coffee."

She smiled, looking at her best friend.

"In that case please come in, Auror Potter."

He smiled and took a seat in front of her. She said

"You look oddly happy."

He took a deep breath and his smile got wider

"I'm seeing someone. Is new, but it's going pretty well. I really, really like her."

Hermione smiled and put her hands to her mouth

"Harry that is fantastic! Oh Merlin, no wonder you look so excited! Tell me everything! Who is she?"

"Pansy Parkinson"

Hermione looked confused

"What? How?"

Harry smirked

"I arrested her last week, she didn't really do anything, I was just being an ass, so I had to concede that she had the right to file a complaint against me, so let's say she offered me a plea deal."

Hermione blinked

"You will have to give me more details than that."

"How about you hear the story from both of us? Brunch tomorrow?"

She shook her head and smiled

"Sure. What time?"

"Ten fifteen. The White Kneazel?"

"I'll be there."

oooooooooooooooooooo

"Mr. Malfoy, Miss Parkinson is here to see you," said his assistant through the intercom.

"Send her in," said Draco with a smirk.

He waited, not getting off his chair, arms crossed. When she walked in he said

"Are you here to confess your sins?"

She smirked, walked to him and kissed his cheek.

"Is good to see you too, arsehole."

He smiled and gestured for her to take a sit.

"So, are you here to explain how the heck did you end up banging the Chosen Prat?"

She smiled

"It is a bit long of a story and I don't have much time today, I'm behind in my collection. How about brunch tomorrow? The White Kneazel, 10:30. We can both tell you what went down that fateful day."

Draco rolled his eyes

"Wow. You really got it bad for the guy, don't you?"

She smiled, malice sparking in her eyes. This set up was going to be piece of cake. If they didn't end up killing each other first.

At 10:15 on Saturday Hermione walked into the White Kneazel where Harry and Pansy were waiting to be seated. Harry hugged her and then Pansy smiled and kissed her cheek. Hermione was surprised but the gesture but took it well, then look at the couple and said

"Wow, this has to be the biggest piece of gossip the wizarding world has seen in years. You guys have a lot of explaining to do."

They laughed and were guided to their table, sat and ordered a round of mimosas to start. Pansy raised her glass

"To new beginnings."

They all clinked glasses and drank, and Pansy kept the conversation off topic for a bit to buy some time. They were catching up on Hermione and Pansy's professional stuff when Draco arrived at 10:30 sharp. He saw the couple and the unmistakable mane of curly hair and lifted an eyebrow, but he approached the table and greeted.

"Good morning," he said, kissing Pansy, offering his hand to Harry and then turned to look at Hermione "Hello, Granger, this is a surprise."

Hermione was shocked but kept her cool

"Hey Malfoy, it's been a while," she said, offering her hand.

He took it delicately and bowed to press a kiss on her knuckles.

"Indeed," he said, smiling and taking a seat next to her. They had interacted several times over the years since he was a lawyer and she was a Ministry official and exchanged pleasantries at official Ministry functions, and during that time he had allowed himself to finally admit that she was not only brilliant but a very attractive witch.

They ordered a new round of drinks for the table and some food and finally got to the story of Pansy's arrest and the subsequent shagging that ensued.

"So basically, she jumped you," said Draco, making Hermione laugh and Pansy roll her eyes.

"Yup. I was just seating there, doing my job."

Pansy scoffed indignantly

"Come on, you arrested me on purpose"

"Yes, but I didn't know how I was going to pull it off," said Harry with a look of innocence.

"I think that's called premeditation," said Hermione, "and to my understanding intention is the foundation of guilt."

Draco raised his glass to her

"Nice one, Granger. These two are equally guilty in the eyes of the law."

Hermione smiled and clinked her glass with him, both of them taking a sip while keeping eye contact. Harry and Pansy exchange malicious smirks.

At the end of the meal Pansy ordered one more round of drinks, but as the drinks arrived she made an exaggerated gesture of remembering something.

"Oh Circe, we have the appointment for your final adjustments at the tailor's in five minutes," she said, looking at Harry. He followed her lead

"I think we better go, then. Sorry guys, you enjoy the drinks," he said looking at the other two and dropping a handful of galleons on the table.

Comprehension dawned on Draco

"You motherfuckers," he said to the couple, who were now giving them malicious smirks and waving before they walked out of the restaurant and disapparated.

"What?" asked Hermione

"This was a setup. They were setting us up, Granger." He shook his head and chuckled, then added "well, the drinks are paid for, might as well enjoy their generosity," he said, offering her a glass while she was still trying to make sense of the situation.

They sipped their drinks and he asked

"Do you have plans for the rest of the day?"

She shook her head

"Nothing urgent. I was gonna walk from here to Flourish and Blotts to peruse and see what's new."

He chuckled

"Why am I not surprised. I'll tell you what: I bet if we down all four of these drinks and then go there everything is going to look way more interesting. It would be a great book discussion."

She laughed and agreed

"Deal. Let's see what crazy theories we come up with."

They downed two more glasses each quickly and headed for the bookstore. By the time they were deep in the labyrinth of bookshelves, the champagne was hitting hard.

"I'm telling you, you are wrong," Hermione said, stumbling into Draco, who caught her by the arms and leaned on the shelves to keep his own balance.

"And why is that? Because you say so? Because you are Hermione Granger, brightest witch and what not?"

She gave a drunk chuckle

"Yes, that's right, that's what people say about me, so you should listen to me," she said, nudging a finger on his chest and leaning even more into him.

He smirked and lifted her chin with a finger

"Well today you, Hermione Granger, are drunk before noon and alone in a bookstore with a Death Eater. I don't think your judgment can be trusted at the moment."

She moved her face closer to his

"Then that lack of judgment must be why I'm thinking that you are awfully cute, Draco Malfoy, Slytherin Prince, Bad Boy Extraordinaire," and she stumbled some more until their lips touched.

He pulled her closer and grabbed the back of her hair while the other hand shamelessly grabbed her arse, making her lift her leg to wrap around him, and they made out loudly, moaning, biting, rubbing against each other until they finally heard someone clearing their throat very loudly

"Hem! Hem!"

They turned around to look, all swollen lips and disheveled hair. Draco frowned and said

"Umbridge? aren't you supposed to be dead or something?"

The old witch went purple in the face and Hermione laughed very loud, then said

"Come on Draco, let's get out of here before this bitch calls the Aurors on us," and she disapparated them, leaving Umbridge, who was not permitted a wand anymore, standing there fuming.

"Where are we?" he asked

"My flat," she said, smirking and jumping him again.

"I should have gotten you drunk long ago, Granger, if I knew you could be such a naughty girl."

She laughed and went for the buttons of his shirt while he slid his hands under her jumper to pull it off over her head. She pushed him to walk backward until he felt the couch behind his legs and she shoved him on it, then shimmied out of her jeans and unhook her bra. He quickly got rid of his trousers and socks and when they were only wearing knickers and boxers they look at each other, breathing heavily. He got off his boxers and she pulled down her knickers and straddle him, impaling herself on his cock, making both of them growl. She rode him fast and forcefully and he kissed her hungrily until she screamed his name and came hard, making him fall over the edge too. They collapsed on the couch and passed out from the mix of alcohol and exertion.

Hermione woke up a couple of hours later, feeling trapped. She opened her eyes and realized that she was wedged between the back of her couch and a very naked Draco Malfoy. The flashes of the morning hit her and she was starting to panic when her movements woke him.

"Hi beautiful," he said, kissing her face and softly running his hands over her body. she melted at the touch.

"Hi," she said, sounding hesitant

"What are you overthinking, little brainy girl?"

She sigh

"I'm wondering if I could sue a certain Auror and his smug girlfriend for entrapment."

He chuckled and answered in between kisses

"As a lawyer let me suggest that instead of suing maybe we should buy them dinner, you know, in appreciation for giving us a much-needed push," he said kissing her neck.

She rolled her eyes and ran her fingers through his soft blond hair

"I hate it when you are right."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Even though I consider this story complete, I was reading it again today and thought: what kind of thank you presents would Draco send? This is one last short chapter. Enjoy!

0000000000

"Auror Potter, this just arrived for you. The curse-breaking department already checked it," said Dennis Creavey, the diligent mail department supervisor as he crossed Harry on a hallway.

"Thank you, Dennis, please leave it on my desk."

Harry walked into Hermione's office and to his surprise, she was not there. He was about to check her calendar to see if there were any early meetings she might be in when a flustered, more frizzled than usual Hermione walked in

"My, my, my, Miss Granger. How the mighty had fallen."

"Oh, shut up. This was your idea. It's your fault that I'm late."

"You know, its been something like 42 hours since we had brunch. If you were still banging Malfoy's brains off that's on you."

Hermione tried to give him the evil eye but she couldn't really manage to do it and chuckled, then walked to her friend and hug him.

"Thank you. Really. And I am very happy for you too."

Harry kissed her forehead and when he was heading out she called

"Can you believe we are actually dating the Slytherin Prince and Princess? How did we end up here?" she said, chuckling again.

"What can I say? We needed a hint of Silver in our lives."

When Harry finally got back to his desk the gift was there. It was a box of excellent cigars and a note that said

 _Thank you. And now kindly fuck off, and don't you dare give her any grief. If you ruin this for me I will hex your balls off. Let's do brunch again._

 _DM_

"I guess the curse-breaking department does not manage threats of bodily harm," said Harry laughing to himself.

Pansy walked into her design studio to find two floral arrangements. One was a dozen perfect red roses. The note in that one said

 _Almost as beautiful as you._

 _Harry_

She smiled and blushed a bit, she hadn't felt so giddy since she was a little girl. The other one was a tasteful arrangement of hydrangeas. The note on that one said

 _Thank you. You have always looked out for me. Brunch again this weekend? Bring your oaf of a boyfriend._

 _Draco_

Hermione lifted her head at the knock on her office door

"Come in"

"Miss Granger, these just arrived for you. The curse-breaking department already checked it," said the voice of Dennis Creavey from behind an arrangement of two dozen roses that he was carrying on top of three boxes with bows.

Hermione blushed

"Thank you, Dennis, please leave them on that chair."

When she was alone, Hermione opened the boxes. There was a big box with a lovely red dress in it, the medium box was a beautiful pair of shoes and a third, flat box where an exquisite set of lingerie was masterfully wrapped.

She read the card

 _Dinner will be served at 6 pm, my place. Dessert is whenever you put on the contents of the smaller box. Can't wait._

 _Draco_


End file.
